Confidence

Confidence?
Where did it go?
Is it hiding?
Why did you run away?
What happened?
Why do I feel like a helpless, lost, little girl?
Confidence, why did you leave?
We were working so well,
you were growing,
I was growing.
It makes me wonder if you were ever really there.
You shouldn't have left as swift as you did.
Not only did you abandon me,
you keep me from getting real sleep at night.

Sleep.
I know you are there,
just lurking around the corner.
A nasty tease you are to me,
but the sweetest gift of all.
A sweet gift that has become sour.
Maybe we became to close,
Sleep, you used to make the world disappear and problems dissolve;
now, you rub me of my rich night precious slumber due me.
You try to run my life, but you wont!

Control is ever present, yet never speaks up.
Control's actions destroy lives and dreams.
What is going on in my mind that I can't sleep?
Why do I feel as if I will always fall down and scrap my knees?
Will I ever learn to walk?
Will I ever learn to run?
Should I be happy if I am even able to crawl?

I want my Confidence back!
Please don't leave me!

I have confidence.
If I didn't, I couldn't do half of what I do.
I get up and speak in front of people.
I wake up every morning and get ready to greet the day.
I care deeply for my friends.
I would give my life for my family if it meant that they could live a full life.

Maybe confidence is a choice, like love.
But this shaky, unsure, little girl feeling is still there.
The unknown, unsure, terrifies me, make me sick,
makes me think I have nothing to offer...
I know I have a something to offer...
It is just starting to emerge,
I am just starting to become me.
I am me!
I am me!
No amount of confidence running away can change that,
I am me!
I may not know how to roar, but by golly!
I am learning how to growl!
Life is a process that takes time,
please be patient with me as I learn to be patient with myself!