I need to learn to relax and let God.  I need to turn to him and depend on Him alone.  It is not my cup of tea, but I cannot do it anymore.  I can't do it alone.  I need help, I am not meant to be alone........I am choosing that path because I am stubborn and stupid.  God alone can heal my lonely heart but I wont turn to Him caz I wont trust Him.  How stupid can I be?

This is what I am feeling.  I found a song that reflects my mood right now. 

Beautiful Disater

By Jon McLaughlin

She loves her mama's lemonade
And hates the sound that goodbye's make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her

She swears that there's no difference
Between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough
The pictures that she sees make her cry

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's given boys what they want
And tries to act nonchalant
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction

She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen
She doesn't want to feel this way
Only 17 but tired

She would change everything, for happy ever after
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's just the way she is but no one's told her that's okay

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She would change everything, for happy ever after
Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She just needs someone to take her home